ahhhh, the love of coffee

I love-love-love coffee! Isn't this picture cheerful?

(photo credit to mryeahoksure on photobucket.com -- do want to give credit for pics where credit is due -- don't want to get in trouble... also, the apron is on etsy.com under aprons)

For some reason, I slept really great last night. All night. It was great! It probably sounds funny, but I really don't sleep. Even with help, I don't sleep well. So I slept fantastic last night. So, why do I feel so tired, today? It's a rhetorical question, really. I know the answers and the physiology behind the reasons why one feels like a semi-tractor-trailer has run over their body when one has FINALLY managed to sleep through the night... but still, it is irksome. Coffee to the rescue, once again.

I'm excited I've figured out how to download pics from the camera in my phone! Yea! Computer skills are advancing. (: These are pictures from our hike --which was so fun (and hard, and challenging) and beautiful. Enjoy!

Groundhogs

My son is stuck on groundhogs. Just like Band-aid brand band-aids are stuck on me (not all the time). He love-love-loves them. The coolest animals in the world, are, apparently, groundhogs! When he was three the animal was the oyster, at four it was the armadillo, then came the ostrich... and now groundhogs. Do you notice a trend? Can you go to the store and get a stuffed groundhog any day of the week? How about armadillos? My point is that he picks the most OBSCURE animals to love. (sigh). ..So, we saw a real-live groundhog baby today at my neighbors house, at her son's birthday party- a spy party, at that!

"It's the best day of my life!", he says with a warm sigh."groundhogs, spy parties, my best friend..."

Sweet, isn't it? I certainly think so. In the grand scheme of things it was a great day. It hasn't ended so well. K, the youngest, fell and needed stuck-on-me Band-aids, the door got left open with air conditioning running one too many times; differences of opinions, sugar-high crashes, and medication wearing off too quickly all contributed to a very hectic evening. I'm left trying to find all the silver lining that is left behind. It's a good thing I love my family so freaking much, because that is the only thing left behind, tonight... or is it?

It is the end of the day that makes me breathe, and reflect. Even Till the End of Time is a reference to Jesus being with us always. Always is powerful, as is HE who is there for us, always. I need to go reflect, meditate, pray and THANK God for all I have. It is lovely.

I really like all things vintage! I love simple things, I guess. We are considering buying a camper; I like the Airsteam campers because they are so vintage looking. We watched the Nancy Drew movie, and she stood up for herself and said she was "classical". I like it. I shop for clothes -- I tend to like a more classic, vintage look.

I wore a beautiful apron that my beautiful friend gave me (for Christmas), today. I just couldn't take it off. I felt inspired, pretty, and feminine. I got a lot accomplished today, as well! This apron isn't my apron, but the look is pretty much the same. Something about wearing it all day today was just right. I think some sixth grade boys may have been making fun of my tonight as I ware it to my daughter's piano recital -- but what did they know about style? About creativity and artistry?

She was awesome, by the way! My beautiful, D, had her very first, wonderful recital tonight. We were all celebrating some amazing art tonight! Good job!!! I love you, D!!!

It's a good evening. No one is having any meltdowns, the kids are cooperating, and playing nicely. In fact, I'm not even allowed in my basement (their playroom) right now...- they are "rehearsing". I "can't be down here (there) right now". Cool... twist my arm. I'll just be upstairs and I'll work on my chores (and write). It is amazing HOW FAST things can be done when there are no interruptions...

Hmmmmmm...

Interruptions can be good. Philosophically, we are supposed to slow down and "smell the roses". I love the scripture, "Be still and know that I am God". I am hardly EVER still anymore, though. There is always something being needed to be done! However, being still is sooooooo important. Perhaps I'll start trying it! (: I think it's hard for moms to be still. Very hard. Just thinking about it makes me anxious! I'm thinking of all those home improvement projects, books to read, floors to vacuum, lessons to plan, teaching to do, learning to do.... it goes on and on and on. But still. - Be still. I'll try. I'll let you know how it goes.

beautiful evening...

I finally figured out my mountain pictures! It's getting easier! One of the missions of this blogging is to become more familiar with the computer.

DEER!! I love to see deer on the side of the road (alive and well)

The Valley

Ok, so I didn't take this picture! It's a good one though from Degas... I teach ballet to four and five year old girls. I love it. I'm not a rock-star at it or anything like that, I just love to dance; and love-love-love ballet! Today was one of the girl's last class. She is moving back to Denmark with her parents, who were only here for one year. This child is so sweet, and brave. She didn't speak English yet, being only four when she started the class, and she was in a new country, a new environment, in an English speaking class that speaks (what I call) "Ballet French". Imagine how scary that can be?! She is still quiet, but understands (quite well) Ballet French, and English. I really adore this little girl. She gave me flowers to thank me for teaching her this year. They were my first "teacher" flowers. I'm so touched!!! I even cried. Praise God for these little opportunities I have to touch other people's lives.

On other updates: A has a NEW contract on her house! Yea!!! T is still kind of loopy/crazy, but doing well. He is STILL awake-- and it's late. The girls and I had crazy night (four hours at the studio taking and teaching dance and yoga).

It is the end of another crazy day. It started out so dreary, and then the sun came out! It turned gorgeous... My daughter, D, commented that "It's nice to see the moon out. It's been a while." I am feeling led that ministry for God is what I am supposed to do in EVERYTHING I do. I know that is what Jesus did: lived his life for us. I am not comparing myself to Him, I am merely thinking that I, myself, can do better than I do, sometimes. Sometimes, I feel I'm doing the best I can do with what I have. BUT... in everything... do your best for the Lord...( I know the verse, but can't tell you where to look for it other than in the Bible. It might be Jeremiah--I like him)... Do I? Do you? Do your best, I mean? Has it been a while since you've talked to the Lord? The moon out, and it's been a while, made me contemplate this. I'd love to draw a very elegant parallel, but I can't. I just know that when it has been a while since I've been to church, or I haven't looked in my Bible, I miss Him. I know He misses me, too.

Ahhhh -my own bed!

So... Even though it was a nice weekend away, it is so good to be home. There is just something so comforting about being home. I love being home. I remember wanting to always be on the go as a younger person, and especially as a child, but now I am quite content to just be at home.

The weekend was good. That being said, it is sometimes hard to have eleven people (five of them under 12 years of age) in a small space. I believe that vacationing with family is an exercise in getting along with one another. While one may be trying to help another person, and intentions are good, the perception of what is communicated might be misconstrued. Apologies can be made, and feelings may be bruised, but it is the love that remains the same. After all, family is what God gives us, love is how we understand that. I am constantly afraid I am offending someone, so, I am sorry if I did. Remember my post on perception? Nothing negative is ever intended.

My friend, A, has another contract on her house. Pray for her and her family, and the house, and the contract.

T continues to detox from wheat, chocolate, and tree nuts. He has broken out in hives-- I'm wondering if it is a delayed reaction to the allergy testing, or toxins leaving the body. He is so funny! "I'm detoxing, people!" --He says it at least twice a day. The girls are well. They are coming off a sugar high from the weekend. They LOVE hanging out with their cousins, and are having post traumatic stress this morning as the get back into the school routine.

Did I say my husband was back in school, too? He is taking just one class for the summer session: Nutrition! Timely, yes? God works in mysterious ways, my friends. Praise to Him! and... good thoughts and prayers for my husband who will be gleaning all sorts of info about nutrition (and food allergies)!

So, there are my updates for the day! I will continue to figure out how to get my mountain pictures up and viewable... it is a cognitive problem, I'm sure!

Happy
Memorial
Day!!!!

Background Noise

I am sleepy. I'm awake (at 6:15) with K, the five year old, and my dad, who naturally wakes up around 4-5 am every day. Even on the weekends, when he can sleep in he doesn't. Well, my daughter just loves to be the only on up with him. I'm not sleeping so well, for probably many reasons, but one I know for sure: I miss my fan. I forgot a noise maker. I have gotten so used to white noise to go to sleep, that when it is absent, I can't sleep without it. The background is so important!!!

I am actually trying to draw a parallel, here. What goes on in the background of our lives is so important to make us comfortable, to make us reasonable! If we don't get enough sleep, we are crabby. If we don't get enough attention, we feel unvalidated. If we have been brought up with negativity in our lives, we tend to be negative, or even feel unloved. I know for me, when I don't have enough time to pray or go to church, I feel edgy, frantic, and without peace. I really desire and need HIS peace. I'm always praying for peace. For contentment is that feeling that makes everything better.

It is beautiful up here in the mountains. I went for a very long, challenging hike yesterday with JUST my husband. It was so fun, and important for us to be together. We got to talk... communicate. Fun, sweet and challenging.

T continues to do well. He is hitting his anger phase of loss. That being said, it could be a lot worse. I'll take floppy behavior. I'll take some slight anger. It's the aggressive mean-ness I'm hoping to avoid. He is missing his food! He wants chocolate (most of us know what it is like to want that and not be able to have it). He is, however, hanging in there!

Everyone is having fun with the cousins. The five of them love to be together. They are all so fun and cute, if not a little loud sometimes. It is humbling to see my children, and my brother's children, together. They all look a little alike!

It's hopefully going to be a pool day, today. We will get some sun between thunderstorms, it seems. Isn't that the story of our lives?!

OK!!! I'm trying tot figure out how to upload more than one picture, and I just did! YEA!!! This is just a quick experiment. More coptie pictures.

My Brother

I have this great brother named Kyle.  He is smart (genius, actually). He is funny.  He has always been funny, and a bit sarcastic.  While my husband was (very slightly) worried about being mentioned in my blog, my brother was offended that I didn't mention him.  Sarcasm?  maybe.  No offense intended, Kyle.  I love you very much, and miss you, too.  

Helicopters!!

We call them "copties". I'm not sure how that word started, except I know it was one of the kids. We LOVE helicopters. Especially the husband. He actually gets to fly on them for his job. The flight medic job: Imagine that! He surfs You tube for videos, and requested I share the link on my blog! Enjoy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3UT

OUT OF TOWN

Picture substitute of the beautiful middle child!

I had the best idea: I was going to post pictures of my trip up to this BEAUTIFUL place in the Blue Ridge Mountains and post the pictures to my blog page. Unfortunately, I have an old computer, and an older camera, and forgot a USB port, so I can't transfer the pictures from camera to computer. Bummer, huh? Well, I think so, too. So I'll post them when I get back home. In the meantime, enjoy my post (:

The son, detoxing, apparently, from gluten, peanuts and chocolate is doing well. He is VERY floppy. And really silly. He is also very ticky or stimmy -- we say that in our autistic world. He is flapping and picking and pacing. He has low tone in the morning, and is under-sensitive. We have to put off fire crackers to get him out of bed sometimes (not really, don't call CPS). He gets more sensitive as the day progresses. But yesterday was just really floppy. Today, too.

"Are you hot, shall I take your sweatshirt off?" --Me, speaking, it's 88 degrees out.

He stares for a full 20 seconds before answering. "I don't know... I don't know how I feel. I'm going to spray paint A's (The one hopefully selling her house still, even though I don't want her to go, and moving) house. "

"ExxxCUSE me?!!!!"

"Well, then she won't be able to move. She can't sell her house if it has graffiti on it."

"No. Absolutely. Not. That is vandalism. Vandalism is bad."

My son is so intuitive sometimes, and the timing is perfect. I'm thinking about making him read that book called The Rules. It's about a sister who gives her autistic brother rules to follow. OOPS... He IS reading it now. I got it from the library and he hadn't touched it until this moment. Interesting, isn't it? We won't know until after the holiday if the house is still selling or not. Keep praying. please.

My middle child, D, 8 going on 16 was soooo helpful getting us ready to go out of town today. It strikes me that she is so sweet and helpful while surrounded by the chaos of May. Surrounded by siblings that are challenging. Surrounded by parents that are challenging, too. My beautiful girl always rises to the occasion and I praise God for the privilege of raising her. I really hope I don't let anyone down!

It's so nice to be on Vacation. I don't have to clean or dust or vacuum (I'm a bit obsessed with these things at home. Especially now that we KNOW there are allergies. It could be worse, right?), and I don't feel like I always have something to do. Nice, isn't it? I think so. Even though I'm not really on vacation... I get to rest from the daily stuff. I'm going to enjoy just being. I'm going to enjoy the family.

"Do you remember what Daddy is Wearing?" -- I am walking with the five year old. She is adorable (it makes it easier that she is sooooo cute). We have lost my husband and the 8 year old while shopping at Wal-mart. I turned to pick up a movie I thought he would like, turned around, and they were gone. This is supposed to happen with children, not husbands. So there we were, the five year old and I, hand in hand, searching through aisles in Wal-mart.

"He is wearing a blue shirt, and blue pants. And he has short, spiky hair."

I smile now, even though we are both on the verge of tears. She is scared he has left us, and I am angry that he has disappeared. She is worried- in her sweet five year old way, and I am trying not to lose it (with the situation, and her drama). Right at the breaking point (of frustration), I get the break. AndI smile. Isn't that what we all hope for? A break and a smile! Preferably with Godiva Chocolate. Truffles are my favorite.

So, we find him and the middle child. They have wandered over to toys, and, of course, they are both having fun. My drama child starts running toward him and in his "playfulness" he runs away. MELTDOWN. The five year old is not the autistic child, by the way... OK, so now I am deep breathing -because I am angry, and heartbroken that feelings are getting hurt.

What do I do?

I think Men really may be from Mars, sometimes (that is meant to be funny -- I know they come from God... but wait, God created everything, so Maybe it was Mars day when He got the inspiration for men). However, what I want to write about is perspective. I lacked my husband's perspective (angry that I first walked away from him), he lacked my perspective (I was doing something for him), and the grown-ups lacked the kids' perspective (5 year old wants a bike, and 9 year old wants to just go home).

Perspective is hard stuff. As I get frustrated (lately with ,about, everything), I realize I need perspective. As I pray for my friends and family, I find myself trying to feel their feelings. At the end of the day, it isn't so very hard, in prayer, to put myself in others shoes... it is just during the day-- with everything going on that I get anxious. We all could use perspective! All the time! I pray for more of it for myself. I also pray for more of it for all the women in my life whom are mothers and wives. Did I mention that I think this is HARD stuff?!

Continue to pray for my maybe-moving-to-live-near-the-vampires- friend (I should really mention that I like, totally, LIKE the Twilight books). She is really struggling. Thanks, Mom, for the continued support. (Check out her blog). Thanks, Shanda, for being my first follower!! So exciting! So encouraging!

small questions

Today, everyone seems to be recovering from yesterday! Everyone had some sort of malaise, and I have to admit, I just wasn't too sympathetic. Perhaps I'll try harder tomorrow (to be more sympathetic, that is). So -- we ran a lot of errands, and tried to remain positive about our new diet restrictions. The whole family is affected! No quick runs into McDonald's, because I don't know what is gluten-free. Perhaps we'll save money (which is good, and we can laugh, but in a pinch, it is a hard choice to be hungry). So, as I type with no real plan in mind of what I want to type about; I realize that making tough choices is just another fact of life. Not trying to whine, it's just overwhelming.

Speaking of overwhelming... My friend, the one moving to (beautiful-- get to have neighbors like the Cullens-- lucky) Seattle, needs lots of prayers. She just found out that they may not be able to close on their house tomorrow. There has been a TON of pondering today! WHY is it that, at the last minute, the sale of their house (which went beautifully), is falling through? WHY, literally, they are supposed to close tomorrow, do they get (today) deal -breaking information? Why? PRAY for her.

Also --- thanks again to my mom (really a hip lady) for supporting me and my whining, and the overwhelming desire to be supermom. I need to let a few things go... laugh out loud.

Our funny quote from the 12 year old:
"Why do you want a cell phone?" (Dad)

"So I can carry google in my pocket!" (without hesitation)

"what?!" (Mom --I didn't hear google)

"You know, I ask questions, you don't have answers, I can just pull google out of my pocket!"

We laughed sooo hard!

Oh me, Oh my...

On a positive note: one of my bestest, greatest friends' made this beautiful Rosary cupcake/cake, and offered the Rosary prayer and Mass to my son and her father-in-law, who thankfully does not need a pacer/defibrillator, today. Very nice, and sweet, and lovely in all ways. And my other bestest, greatest friend may have found a place to live when she moves to Seattle (can't wait to visit her there, wish she didn't have to move, though) next month. Many prayers of thanksgiving to these special, sweet, fantastic women in my life! And, thanks, Mom for always being there when I need you!

Now for the "interesting" news --

And...My goodness... it appears that I have been torturing my child (just by feeding him), the oldest, for several, many years. He had his first allergy screening today. Yes, the icky, ugly skin test. This involves (for those of you who don't know) multiple scratches on the back with proteins for common allergens exposed to the scratch. Then, after 20 minutes (of not being allowed to scratch - imagine a demon's voice uttering from the lips of your child) the nurse measures how big the hives are. My son is allergic to EVERYTHING except guinea pigs (yea, because we already have one), Brazil nuts (who eats those, anyway), and dairy and soy products (thank goodness for that).

He is a vegetarian (the rest of the family is not vegetarian and he will throw up and make himself sick if he eats meat. This is an autism- black and white issue for him. Animals good. Will.not.eat.them.)... the vegetarian-easy-to-cook Boca/Morning Star products are LOADED with wheat gluten (to make them stick together). Also, because he is a vegetarian, I make him eat lots of peanut butter; it's an easy protein. Well, guess what? Allergic to tree nuts (except Brazil nuts, again, weird). I went to 3 grocery stores in 4 hours this afternoon and spent well over a hundred dollars to shop for products for this child.

My just starting out blog is going to also be about behavioral changes related to dietary changes related to allergies journal. By the way, today was awful. Many meltdowns. No more moons (cashews) and no more Reece's (oh, yes, allergic to chocolate, too).

Some very "interesting" things to ponder, ideas to come up with, and, of course, solutions to consider. Anyone who knows me, knows I do. not. cook. I missed the memo that had me sign up for the cooking gene. Now, it seems, that I am going to have to creatively disguise tofu. Tofu is "interesting" as well. Very different texture. My son bravely tried some tonight. It didn't go too well. I definitely need to figure out how to dress that up. I think we (our family) are in for some interesting adventures.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cNkp4QF3we8

Ok... Just because this is hilarious! Thanks to Just a Girl for sharing it on her blog. I'm trying to be creative, and a bit silly. My pictures and posts are only going to improve! This is dedicated to all the Mommies! Happy belated Mother's Day! And to one of my bestest friends whom I spoke with tonight, "See! You are loved and wanted!" Even hard days are good days, even at the end of the day!

I am Tired

Today has been a great day! It has also been emotional and filled with lots and lots of prayer.

I pray most Mondays with a group of ladies. We pray for our children in our schools, and the schools. The group is part of Moms in Touch International and our goal is to cover all schools in prayer across the world! Overwhelming, yes. A privilege? Definitely! There is something very intimate and loving to hear your child prayed for by another mom! My son, twelve, and autistic, struggles with appropriateness. These moms continue to pray diligently for him and my daughters who struggle with their own issues (anxiety, impulsive reactions-- the list goes on). It is just very wonderful to pray in a group --if you haven't tried it, I totally recommend it!

Anyway-- appropriateness. I think we all struggle with this at times, and I believe we all have room for improvement! My son echos phrases out of context, but it strikes me at the end of the day that I am glad he is talking. He didn't (talk) for a while (3 years old). Also, he says the funniest things... and they are usually true. Instead of being embarrassed (sometimes), or angry (many times), I need to just listen.

"No offense, Mom, but just walk away if you don't like it... That is what you tell me to do"

"Is Dad really happy with work? He tells me work is fine, but then I hear him tell you he doesn't like it because people ruin themselves all their lives, and then expect him to fix them. What is the truth?"

"What!? You don't like groundhogs? You are evil!"

"Is Patrick just stupid?! (SpongeBob's Patrick)

"Is Mr. Bean autistic? He acts like me." (Mr. Bean's Adventure)

I need to just write these things down... so that is what I'll do.

take your time!

Well... I am thinking I need to proof-read a little better. I tend to be comma happy, and ... happy. Forgive the grammar on my last post, please! I am so excited about my venture, that I am in a bit of a hurry, I think.

Day Number Two

So far, so good. My husband surprised us (the kids and I) with, "Let's go out to breakfast!"

Awesome! (just let me put some concealer on) I love, love, love breakfast... and love not cooking even more. So, we went to a local restaurant, The County Fare. Unknown to me, our local eatery owner was featured on TV as a small business owner struggling during these hard economic times. Apparently, the press helped, because for the first time ever, there was a wait to be seated! He displays a banner on his restaurant that says, "Eat here or we both will starve".

Once again, I'm reminded how blessed I am. We (our family) had extra money to go out to eat, to support a local businessman, to spend time together. There were three other families at the restaurant that we knew (all children from my youngest child's kindergarten class and their parents)!

On top of all of our struggles, we can still praise God for our small blessings. My oldest child has an autism spectrum disorder, and it is visible on him because he flaps and has other motor tics. My youngest is hyper. We haven't go an official diagnosis, but she is the type that shouts, and despite various parenting techniques; she just can't sit. Ever. Our middle child, "typical" as she is struggles with anxiety. Who knew it would be so hard? Just sitting at that restaurant you can see a child hopping around, a child flapping, and two parents, and another sibling just enjoying a Sunday morning together. From the outside, I'm sure it looks... well... interesting, and it is, but we are weaved together so perfectly by Him that I can't help but be thankful. For it all. Even in the storm.

Leap!

So! I guess I've really done this! I've started to journal on a blog... MY blog... I've actually created a blog. I'm really excited and very nervous, because this is new (and I've already messed up and am re-typing... didn't realize I had to save). Many friends and family have inspired me to do this. I'm not very computer savvy, and blogging, to me, is a commitment! So, many thanks, to many friends and family.

I have so much to share and learn! My favorite (very favorite) verse from the Bible is in Matthew. It is the one where Jesus says, " I will be with you always, even till the end of time!". This resonates on my heart, it is when things are hardest and we can't seem to see that He carries us. His mercy, His grace, His love never leaves us... EVEN TILL THE END OF TIME!!!

Hence, my title. As I get older and more conservative, I fall deeper in love with HIM. It is amazing! In this world with exploding technology and advancing age, it is important to live for something, to stand for something. I am led to share, led to learn. I want to improve. Here I am!