Actively Trying To Process

What kind of person condones watching one human being cause the suffering of another?

Let’s take it a step further: what kind of parent supports their child’s spouse causing harm to her own parents without trying to figure out what is going on? What kind of parent tells another parent that they need to give their child space, and to back off? What kind of parent is ok with watching an adult child tear apart their nuclear family, their own parents, with no explanation and seemingly condone this type of behavior?

Would you condone some girlfriend/boyfriend/fiancé/spouse of your child being mean to and blocking contact with their own family without any reason? And be supportive of this behavior? Is this a new normal? Is this OK?

How do people solve problems if they won’t discuss said problems? We don’t even know what the problems are.

I tried to reach out to my daughter’s “in-laws” and was told she needed space and that I should leave her alone. That was back in February. Today I found out that they (my daughter and her “husband”) aren’t even legally married. The hits keep coming.

So, this all got me thinking about what kind of person it takes to be ok with watching someone self destruct. 

As a parent, especially, I would imagine that the “in-laws”- the other family- should be able to  put themselves in our (my husband’s and my) shoes, and understand the FRANTIC DESPERATION we feel for our daughter. And how much we miss her. And love her. And just want her back in our lives. I know I’d do it for them. If the proverbial shoe were on the other foot, I’d at least have a conversation. Or attempt to.

I guess my question is, “Can you really be neutral in a situation such as this?”

When this nightmare began, I respected that my other kids were claiming neutrality, but I’m beginning to see that if you are “neutral” and still speaking to the person who is actively causing harm to another family member, you can’t possibly be neutral. You are condoning the harmful behavior. 

And there in lies a huge, glaring issue: the kids (my kids) aren’t neutral, they’ve picked their proverbial sides, as the saying goes. Not that I’m trying to get anyone to choose a side, but I AM trying to get them to see that they aren’t helping the situation by being “neutral” - they are only further contributing to this division. They, too, are condoning the behavior of no contact and yes, it is mean, the notion of just up and telling the family that raised you, gave you all kinds of opportunities, and love, love, loved you in a way you couldn’t possibly comprehend, that well, you simply just don’t matter anymore.

I am so very sad. I suspect my daughter is morbidly sad. I feel it. I’m a high-functioning empath, after all. I feel everything. I feel my huge sad emotions, my husband’s, her’s, and even her siblings’.

And the more I try to find a solution, the worse it gets.

SO… GOD… Thy will be done, Thy kingdom come. I feel undone, and I am fully relying on YOU.

Peace.