Friday Musings

It’s been a long couple of weeks.

Living with chronic pain just really sucks sometimes, especially as I’m waiting for the relief of a steroid injection in my back. I always though I’d be too scared to resort to such things, but nerve pain is no joke. I got said shot on Monday, and have been improving since. Praise God!

Living with special needs kids is also no joke. Mothering is life, and life is not for the weak. I feel like our house has become a psych/rehab facility and I am caught between the space of being glad we can provide this for our child, and just wanting it to be …later. Over. When everything is right again. When the frontal lobe starts firing, and said child is ready to move out. It isn’t this week, that’s for sure.

I am feeling like I’m living in a combat zone, never knowing what around the next 5 minutes. Will there be a meltdown? Will there be more surprises about jobs, future living situations, boyfriends? The oldest wigs and flees the table when I make broccoli, and it’s on the menu for tonight; I have to prepare for that situation. Also, I’m tired of being the Uber for these kids (young adults) and ferrying them around to jobs, appointments, etc. Also: the grocery bill. My kids go through a bag of grapes in two days, and they are so expensive! It’s stressful trying to feed my family healthy stuff!!

I am weary. I know I’m not alone and what is happening at our house is not unique. It just feels that way.

Just breathe. And pray. 

AND… God. Always, God. Forever and ever, even till the end of time, He will be with us always. 

hang onto that:)

Just Write

I always seem to blog when I’m at some kind of crossroads in my life. The truth is, though, that they’re happening daily- decisions, different patch’s to take, next steps, etc.

For me, I truly believe that time is elastic. The front end of my life seemed to be dragging on and on. I was always wishing for the next thing. You know the deal: If only I was done with high-school… If only nursing school was finished… I can’t wait to be married… have children… finish the damn bachelor’s degree.

 Now, as all those things have come to pass, life is going Way. Too. Fast. The oldest daughter is getting married, which is way happy, and I love my soon-to-be son-in-law. The oldest child, the man-child is in the que for housing, and we are waiting on that. This is huge, by the way, as finding affordable housing for an adult with autism is so hard; group housing is not the right fit for him, and he still needs support. The youngest daughter, always that child, is a work in progress. And it’s OK- we’ll get there.

And what about me? Well, exactly my point, here. What is next? The husband and I are now rooted firmly where we are for another 9.5 years, as he’s taken a second job (that he loves, that is awesome, that was prayed for and accepted with a lot of gratitude and praise). I’m back in the nursing profession- andd let me say that not much has changed in that arena, what with staffing issues, long shifts, etc. But- I really do like where I work! So, what’s next?

Looking for where to retire is daunting, yet fun. Looking to make sure the kids are all settled is exhausting, but it’s ok. Our biggest worry right now is launching the baby in spite of all of her issues and quirks. 

And yet, I still have not written that book. The one I’ve always had a concept for, the one I’ve always dreamed about, the grand idea of being published. 

But who has time for that??

I think I know the answer is that: I do. Anxieties and worry, though, paralyze me lately. 

However, I know I also need to just write.