When I Can’t Fix It

 

I absolutely am a pleaser person. I have been my whole life, for sure, but being married and having a family certainly exacerbated my pleasing tendencies. I’m sure there are are so many theories about people who like to please: nature, nurture, needing to do so to survive, having a hard to please parent, the list can go on and on. Regardless, because I am a pleaser, I am also a fixer. I try to make things right, or better, or less awful, or more awesome. Again, this list is never ending. It makes me so, so tired.

As you can probably imagine, when the pleasing, and the fixing tend to be running high, not only am I tired, but I can become very anxious. I think high functioning anxiety and high functioning enabling are very real co-morbidities of  the pleaser-fixer personality. Anyone else? I think people handle things differently, as well. Some pleaser-fixers are perpetually angry or crabby (and who can blame them, really?), some are putting on such a facade that they seem very laid back, and unbothered (then they have their meltdown quietly, at home, where no on can witness them breaking down), and some people probably just own it and tell everyone what’s going on with them. I’m probably a combination of all of these, depending on the hormones, current situation, and whether or not I’m too hungry.

(Can I get a witness?)

So, I’m having the best time visiting Minnesota (pretty much, blissfully, alone), and found out today that one of my dad’s brothers died this morning. The viewing/funeral is in two days. In NorthDakota. My dad is in Myrtle Beach. A hurricane is coming. He has way too much going on with him to get to the funeral.

I can’t make it better. I can’t please my North Dakota relatives by getting him or myself, or anyone from my family there in two days time. I’m supposed to be returning home that day.

I can’t fix it.

So, I’m not in a tailspin or anything (right now) but it hurts to not be able to fix things. I go into worry mode about my family that is grieving the loss of their dad. I wonder how they are. I wonder how my dad is coping. My heart literally hurts when I’m faced with this amount of grief and uncertainty. 

So, people pleasers and fixers- I’d love to pray with you as we navigate our crazy, messy, beautiful selves. I hope for peace to surround us when things feel out of control. I wish for hope to surround us when we can’t do what our very nature tells us to do daily… hourly. And I hope that those who love us can give us a little grace when our very unrealistic expectations that we put on ourselves start to bring us down.