(Written about 4:30 am Saturday morning.)

So… 

I got about two and a half hours of sleep. After falling asleep around midnight, my eyes opened at exactly 2:07, and I’ve been up ever since then. 

This mama really, really tried to get back to sleep. First, I did my yoga breathing. Then, I tried to stay in Savasana. Next, I prayed. After an hour, I counted. Also, I tried at least forty-three different sleep positions.

I tried some Benadryl, then some Tylenol, then some CBD oil.

Finally, after the tosses and turns, I got out of bed at four, exhausted from trying to get back to sleep- at least the kitchen is a change in scenery, right? Plus the dogs are down here keeping me company.

Y’all… night-time insomnia is lonely. 

Insomnia and Anxiety

Not being able to sleep spikes my anxiety levels to a mind-boggling intensity. You see, when I can’t sleep, I perseverate on trying to get back to sleep. When getting back to sleep is not working, my brain does a wonderful thing called “let’s-give-Kristen-all-the-morbid-thoughts-possible” scenario. Then, my brain decides to create crazy lists of things to do, things left undone, things I could have done better, and things I haven’t even thought about yet. The heart starts pounding. The chest starts hurting. The stomach does flip-flops.

Super-fun.

I think people that don’t struggle with this type of brain have a hard time understanding people that do. 

Dos and Don’ts of Loving Your Insomniac

Here are some very unhelpful things to say:

“Pray more/Pray Harder”

“Just turn your brain off”

“Have you tried deep breathing?”

“Just relax”

“Try counseling”

— Because, yes, I’ve tried and/or done all the things. I’m exhausted.

Helpful things to say:

“Man, that sucks”

“Is there anything I can take off your plate today?”

“I’m here for you if you want to talk about it, or not talk about it”

“I’ll pray for you”

Disclaimer:

So- this isn’t woe-is-me… it’s just me. It’s the experience I’m having lately. It comes and goes intermittently for years at a time, seasons at a time, days at a time. 

For now, I’m trying to get through it with self care, yoga, coffee, bubble-baths, wine, and a whole lot of Jesus. I rest when I can, give my all when I can, and hope for better nights:)

Keep calm, and get some rest (when you can’t sleep)!