drama

I know life is full of it (drama, that is), and I know that hard things are going to happen in it (life, that is).  I know in my heart that I can't do it all.  I even know that my reward is not on this earth, and not long in coming to me.  Our lives are just a drop in the bucket, really, only an average of, like, 70 years, or something.  I know I have a greater purpose than the one I only think I'm aware of.  I know that He works in mysterious ways...

I don't know why, though, I feel sad and mad when I can't have things my way!  Actually, I do know that I feel that way because I'm human... no excuses, though... How I feel and what I do with those feelings is my responsibility (helloooo, therapy).

My Danielle is crying as I type.  Things, apparently, have gone really bad this week:  I snap too much (what!!?? me?!! how can you say that!!??).  Her friend is switching ballet studios (they don't have any classes together, but this is a terrible development).  Her other friend lives 3000+ miles away (you know who you are).  Her favorite new class (drama/music) at the dance studio has been cancelled.  I hold Katie at church (a problem, since Katie is now 7 years old-- forget that if I don't hold Katie, she wiggles and bounces and I can't pay attention).  What else?  The moon was full this week.  It's autumn, now.  It's going to rain for two days.

The point is... I can't have it all my way, and I can't make it so that my daughter has it all her way.  It isn't supposed to be that way.  Life is hard.  It shapes us.  She is only 9, but even this (right now) is part of what is going to make her who she is.  I want to make it so that my daughter (indeed, all my children, and my husband, for that matter) can have things the way they want them, but I can't.  And even then, where do I fit in?  I think I should be living mindfully, joyfully, and for God.  That is where our purpose is.  That is where our focus should be; not on the stuff of life, not on what we don't have or what didn't go our way...  It isn't about us.  I want to teach that to my kids (and my husband, for that matter).  I'm struggling, though, right now.  I am feeling kind of like I just can't get it right (and, actually, that is part of the answer, because I can't do any of it without the grace of God, and the love of Jesus, and the guidance of the Holy Spirit).  I'd love, though, to write about how I've reached this great epiphany about how it is all going to be so much better, but the truth of the matter is that I don't have all the answers, although I know the Bible is a good place to start. 

But,  I just don't know exactly how to help my daughter feel better right now (even snuggling and tickling didn't help).  That being said, it is ten o'clock at night and tomorrow is another day (and maybe I can talk the studio-owner into continuing the drama/music class, because that's exactly what I need, more drama, right?).

Pray, Love, Laugh, Pray some more.