It Isn’t Supposed To Be This Hard

 

Ever feel like it’s one crisis after another… after another… and on it goes?

Someone is always having an issue, or is behaving as if the world has just ended, or getting robbed, or thinking they need a lung transplant for “ammonia”. These are the good days.

Y’all.

Being the mother to adult people may as well be like raising toddlers all over again. Except toddlers can’t choose to not return texts and phone calls… and they come out of time out when you tell them it’s over. 

These grownup kids will accuse you of not being caring nor being present for them for over a six year time period with no context, then ignore you for nine days and text only to say that you’re passive-aggressive and not a priority right now. Um, really? Is your health insurance that we still pay for a priority? Because now you’re being disrespectful.

The eldest one had his account hacked not once, but twice over a three month period, to the tune of $1600.00. He’s been fired. He is now having a meltdown (like literally, right now, in my living room) because I am refusing to say that I believe he can be fully independent. Also, I want to throat punch the world for taking advantage of a sweet, autistic adult. This is what we are dealing with today- all new passwords, ids, cards, logins, etc. 

The baby is living her best life in Murder City, USA. I worry about her safety and she thinks she needs a new lung because of said “ammonia,”. “Pneumonia, you mean?” I ask her. “yes,” she sobs. “Um- they don’t do lung transplants for that. You probably have a cold. Calm down.”

She did. I assume she is fine. I’ve checked on her once, and she said she was still coughing, but is feeling better. I told her to stop vaping. She didn’t even try to deny it. I think after all the drama we’ve been through with her has earned us a level of respect in which she knows that we know when she’s lying, so she doesn’t even try. It’s refreshing, to say the least.

I can understand that my kids are not aware of my perspective on relationships and hurts within our relationships, and may only be able to mentally see “me” vs “them” - I can understand that the eldest is just a little clueless, and just needs to hear the words. I understand the middle went through a traumatic event. I understand the youngest is trying to get by and live successfully in a city. However- don’t accuse me of distancing myself, of not caring, of not supporting, because nothing can be further from the truth. And at least have the decency to let me know what went wrong.

Also, Jesus? I know You said in this life we’d have trouble… but, can You maybe lighten it? Just a little? Please? 

I will keep on trying, regardless, and caring, and being present, even when the sentiment is ignored. I will also continue to pray… because. Just because. What else is there sometimes, but prayers?