Hey, there!

It's been quite a few weeks, for sure, but last week was something else.  Our family was so upset with all the news last week.  We tried not to broadcast it too much because our youngest has extreme anxiety, but the information leaked out.  The oldest came home from school intent on getting all the information he could, talking and asking questions, getting on his Nook's web browser.  Then, of course, the explosion happened and we got that news. 

It is so hard to be positive amid chaos.  It is nearly impossible to maintain peace in the midst of terrible situations.  What to do?

Well, we could pray. 

I suggested prayer every time my oldest asked  'why?' or 'how come?'.  We prayed when the youngest was fearful that the other 'bad-guy' was still on the run.  We prayed for the firefighters, paramedics, first responders and displaced families in Texas.  We prayed for the FBI, ATF, and Boston Police, tactical teams, dogs, and anyone involved with the tracking, locating, finding, fighting in Boston.

So much to pray for.

So much to be thankful for.  Like Mr. Rogers told me, I looked for the helpers.  There were plenty.

I am so thankful for the majority of people- the people who helped -

And, hopefully, I could teach my children to be brave.  Despite my own (admittedly growing) anxiety, I could model that turning to God, and relying on faith helps to lessen the worries.  Hopefully... knowing we don't have the answers of why, or who, or motivations, that God's perspective is greater than ours.  There is evil in the world, but we know it doesn't come from God.  That we need to "be not afraid".

 So, this week will hopefully be better than the last.

We've already (this week) been to the library, Sweet Frog, the roller-skating rink, and the new counter-tops arrive today (random-but good news, right?)...

So, that is a pretty good start to a better week:)

Easter week!

Happy Easter!!  This week is our spring break week, so in the spirit of breaks, I am committed to relaxing and doing next to nothing...

In a perfect timing type of experience, we (our family) are taking a very needed week to relax, read, reflect, play games, walk outside and not do anything in our house.

On the 8th my first ever re-model will commence on our kitchen.  Mark and I have been in our house since 1999, and have done nothing outside of painting and trying in VAIN to get grass to grow (sigh).  So, this starts it... a new kitchen.  Next: painting.  We were going to hire a painter but due to kitchen costs (yes, I really think we needed the island) that has been nixed.  We are painting ourselves (bummer, not happy, but things could be worse).  After that: floors.  This is still up in the air, as in, I'm not sure how this is going to go- we may do it by ourselves- we may hire someone- we may hire someone to help us get started and then do it by ourselves... we aren't sure... I have refused to mop the kitchen floor, though, because it will be coming out soon and I can't wait for that to happen!  So- no eating off the kitchen floor (as if... I mean... really...).

So!!! This week we are doing nothing.  Except relaxing.  And reading.  And thinking about the house...

AND...

New beginnings.  Easter.  Hope.  Love.

Good Friday, with the devastating execution of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, I am reminded of how He didn't deserve ANY of the torture, humiliation, and pain that accompanied His brutal execution. However, with his death comes the hope of the Resurrection.  And Sunday, Easter, brings us the gift of love, the ultimate love of an empty tomb.  Our Christ defeated death.  He lives.  Because God loves us so much. And now, of course, those that believe have the power of the Holy Spirit always living in us.  There is so much to be thankful for!  There is also much to look forward to with and in... hope. 

Really, the power of the Easter story this time of year overshadows any problems, or issues that are going on in my life...  (I can certainly paint, for goodness sakes!).  God has an amazing perspective and understanding of my circumstances (and those of the ones I love and pray for) that I can not possibly comprehend.  Faithfully believing in Him, consistently, especially when the issues are more  (pain, sickness, children with special needs, marital issues, trust issues, past and present abuse, friends- my friends- who suffer with doubt and struggle with belief) ... this is what matters, and this is what I need, and this, Him, is enough. 

Because in Him (the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit), I have everything I need... and some of what I don't.

And, though I admittedly forget at times, and I, too, grow anxious and weary;  I pray that others come to know (and that I may remember) this... peace.

read this!

This is one of the best blog posts I've ever read.  Ann Voskamp is an amazing writer, a poet.  She tackles this subject with conviction and compassion.  She doesn't shy away from holding men accountable in a culture that still finds fault with women.

http://www.aholyexperience.com/2013/03/after-steubenville-what-our-sons-needs-to-know-about-manhood/

the current situation...

My goodness!  Another month has flown by!  I honestly don't know where the time goes... I'm so busy being busy that I can't even tell you what is making me so busy!  Who else ever feels this way?!

Nothing real eventful happened during the rest of February (see what I mean? I'm busy, but I don't know why).  We totally enjoyed some good weather;  it wasn't that cold.  Now, though, today we have a snow day.  School is cancelled. I'm catching up on my piles of things to do...  The same things that make me busy.

Everyone is doing well in school... Well, well enough.

The girls and I are transitioning back into homeschooling.  It's nice, but the time change made it dark again at 7am, so it has been too hard to stay awake.  We've been staying in bed until about 8:30.  That makes us not so productive, but we're getting work done.  And, it's getting lighter.

Tommy will tell you he is miserable, but he is doing OK too.  It's home life that is hard for him.  Trying to make him responsible has been difficult at best.  On a regular day one or both of us are reduced to tears.  I pray for his heart, my patience and Mark's acceptance.  Loving him is easy because he is funny and cuddly; it's the training up that has given me (us) a run for the money!

Katie, I think, is definitely having some learning challenges/differences.  I know once we find what works best, though, she'll rock!  She is reading (while reluctantly) well.  She is great with math. Writing is challenging, and synthesizing info is slow. She is So cute and she is trying so hard.  Katie is definitely my sweet-pea girly-girl. 

Danielle is doing great.  Her only challenges are her self imposed limitations.  She thinks she is bad at math (imagine me shaking my head in the no fashion), she thinks her writing is not great (again, no) and sometimes, I think, she just gets a little bored, so she doesn't finish what she started.  It's all good, though.  She's 12.  I always thank God- He knew what He was doing!

love, love, love my family:)

Mark and I are continuing to do well, also.  What a difference a marriage makes when both people are present and putting work into it!  We are not perfect (for sure), but we are a testimony to the healing love that comes from Christ, Jesus.  A marriage won't work with out supernatural intervention.  That is tweet-able! It comes from the series:  The Art of Marriage from Family Life.  If God is at the center of your life, and your marriage, you can only benefit from the good that comes out of that kind of direction.  God designed marriage, and following His rules, His design, makes for a successful relationship.  Not an easy relationship- it is still hard- it still requires work, and commitment, and patience, and compromise... but so much good happens, too!

So... we did take a rather spontaneous trip to Miami, Florida the first week of March.  We had a good time.  Mark had a class, so we came with him and camped out in the hotel room (it actually was a lot like camping).  The kids and I went to the Everglades (Tommy says he can cross that off of his bucket list- I was like, "you have a bucket list?" --of course, mom... duh), we went to Key Biscayne, and we spent a few days on the beach in South Beach (no celebrity spottings, though).  It was great to miss the big snow of the season in Virginia, and have a week of sun.  I love the sun.  I was happy to get some vitamin D therapy.  The kids needed it, too.  Mark got to join us one day, too.

Well, I guess this serves as my catch-up journal-type entry.  Peace be with you!!!

Have a lovely week!!!

Ash Wednesday

Lent-

A time to focus on the greatness of our God
the beauty of His relationship with us
the power of wanting us to love Him so much that He sent His Son
so that our debt is paid in the solemn sacrifice
that only He could fulfill

Only wanting us to pursue HIM

loving us, though we constantly try to do things our way
push back, rebellion

His way is the better way...

it's a promise we don't understand
it's a love we can not comprehend

I am His
and
He is mine.

New York

 I really, really love being in NYC! This year it was SO  COLD!!!!

I just had the best girls-only weekend with one of my besties, Eileen (you know, the one that's the big sister I got to choose:)).

We got to stay right close to Times Square and she totally surprised me with tickets to Mamma Mia for my Birthday!  We also got to see Rock of Ages!! HILARIOUS shows, but REALLY HILARIOUS for Rock of Ages.

So totally cool!

We also got to hang out with one of Eileen's other besties, Father Bill.  Yep, a real, live priest.  He's so cool!  We went out and had beer and mussels (which I did not eat- I was brave and tried one, though).

We went shopping, ate out, I got to open the Disney Store on Saturday morning(!!), and we had fun at the M&M store (did you know you can personalize M&Ms while you are shopping?).

I'm so grateful for the means and opportunity to have fun like that! Mark took charge of everything, friends at home volunteered to ferry children about to various activities, the house wasn't totally trashed (Katie's room is so another story, though) when I got home.  It was so great to get away.

It was great to get back home, too, though.

It is good to be loved, to know you're loved, and then to have it shown to you.  I am overwhelmed at the excitement both the kids and the husband displayed upon returning home (chuckles):  "You're home! You're home!!! (Danielle) "Mommy's home! Mommy's back!! (Tommy) "We missed you so much! I'm so glad you're back!!" (Mark) and "Oh, Thank Goodness you're home, and don't ever do that again!" (Katie)...

Yep.  Loved.  It's definitely good.

It's like the Toby Mac song:  "... I was made to love, and to be loved by You..."

So, love is one of the most important emotions we have going for us.  I can say I loved New York, and hanging out with friends, and loving being home with my family...  and it's all true for me.  Love, though, ultimately is an action.  It's a verb.  It's not easy to be in a big city and not notice all those who lack love-  whether it's a lack of a gesture (there are some rude people in NYC- it's true), or a lack of receiving.  The homeless, helpless, hopeless need that kind of love.  I'm moved to pay more attention to those issues and serve where I (and my family) can. 

 Isaiah 1:17 learn to do right! Seek justice, encourage the oppressed. Defend the cause of the fatherless, plead the case of the widow.

I don't believe it's up to the government to take care of it's people... it's up to the people to take care of it's people.

That means we need to walk our faith.
And that means we need to share our faith.
and that means we need to LOVE.

1 Corinthians 13

New International Version (NIV)

13 If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. ² If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. ³ If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast,  but do not have love, I gain nothing.

It's a command

today

This is how my morning started...

"Mom. Mom... Mom?? Wake up, Mom.  I heard your alarm.  Mom..."

"I was saying my morning prayers, Tommy."

"Oh- ok- mom... I've figured out immortality.  How to do it scientifically."

"OK," I answer, looking over at my son- all 5 feet, several inches (he is in a growth spurt, so I'm not sure exactly how many inches- his head reaches the cabinet in the kitchen that the grown ups run into with their heads at least twice a year, provoking all sorts of anger and un-necessary language), "Shoot- let me hear it."

Why, (why, why) do I engage in these discussions? Why is he even up on a Saturday before 10 am? Why?  Well, actually, simple curiosity- what fantastic way does one scientifically achieve immortality- and he was up because he had been up since 11 (me- as in, you were up all night? Tom- no, I told you, I woke up at 11- me, again, like 11 last night? Tom- in his 'duh, mom' voice- yes- but I wasn't up all night, I slept and woke up at 11. Sorry, I'm the slow one.).

"OK.  So. OK.  Well, if we can take out the brain while you're still alive, and put it in a jar with healthy stuff that keeps it alive, and, remember when you told me the brain can be active after death? and sometimes it has thought? So, see, you do it while you're alive, and keep it in this jar, with healthy stuff.  See? Immortality!  You just need someone to carry the jar.  See? Immortality!"

pause... I'm looking at him... He'll be 16 in April.  He reads college level reading material.  He thinks it only costs 1000 dollars for a car, he is three feet tall, and we can move to Chicago to join a sword guild.  I love Him.  I fight for him.  I try to reason with him.  I thank God for him.  I so wonder though, why did God think I was up to this task? I'm clueless.

"Mom. Did you hear me? Mom.  See, if you take it out while it's still alive..."

"I heard you, Tom-Tom." I answer as neutral as possible.

"You see my point, don't you,"  He states.

"Ummmm, Buddy, the brain is, like, connected to the heart and lungs and circulation- it needs blood and oxygen.  You can't do a brain transplant."

Silence.  Flapping.  Clearing his throat. Flapping.

"OH," he says, and turns around and leaves the room.

OK, so, what was that all about?  I'm not sure, but I always try to answer his quest for immortality the same.  We are immortal in Christ Jesus.  This part is just a little part, this being human part.  I always tell him I'm not into staying on Earth; it'll be so much better after Earth...

Tommy can't conceptualize that.  He knows here. And now.  Change is scary for him.  He believes, he knows the promise of Christ; he just can't imagine what that looks like.  I tell him that none of us really can because we haven't been there ourselves for a visit.  He laughs at that.

I think the nature of autism, though, is just that:  everything centers around the self and the here and now.  It makes it hard to explain why the future is so important (the future is not right now). Why, thinking things out is important (this is now, this is important to me. now).  Why it is so important to be kind and nice, and treat others the way you'd want to be treated (this sounds funny, now, I think it's funny, so it's ok, now, etc). 

But... there is this:  always a new perspective.  There is always some meaning, somewhere, some how.  Some things will make sense, eventually, if you think like an autistic brain:)

There is also immortality.  Faith in knowing all things are working together for good.  Knowing we are all created in His image.  No mistakes.  All beautiful.

Thank you, Lord, for your faith and trust in me.  I'll keep trying, for sure.  And please forgive my momentary lapses in memory when I forget that this is all part of your plan, and I get frustrated, and I worry, and I get angry, or scared- because I know that happens a lot- but I'll  keep trying. And praying. And looking up and forward... to You.