Happy Independence Day

I love, love, love July fourth!  I love the fireworks, I love picnic food, I love the red-white-and-blue.  I love being patriotic!  I grew up a Navy-brat, and moved every three years, but we always celebrated the fourth.  In fact, the best three July fourth celebrations I remember were celebrated in Stuttgart, Germany on Patch Barracks.  The fireworks were incredible... so incredibly close... that part actually made me nervous. They were close.  Did I mention they were close?  I actually remember feeling heat and smelling gunpowder. Awesome.

So, what are you all doing?  For the first time in a long time (very long time) we are attempting to celebrate with the masses.  I wrote a few weeks ago about going to the zoo for fun, and how those plans seem to always go awry.  So, we are planning (diligently making plan A, plan B, and plan F). We have food contingencies, bathroom contingencies, rain ops, etc. We have bug spray, bug screen, sun screen, hats, tents... you get the idea.  In our pursuit of the celebration of life and liberty, we are are arming ourselves for defense against a meltdown.  I'll keep you posted. We will be hopefully partaking in the Heritage Festival, and enjoying the celebration of independence outside! All. Day. No wimpiness will be tolerated... says the husband. 

There are so many cute things out there, in cyberland, to do, to be festive, to decorate, to cook.  I so enjoy looking at the pictures of everything.  The trick, of course, is to not get sucked into the perfection of it all.  Does this happen to you?  It happens to me all the time... the beauty of pinterest, the perfect recipes, the artistic crafts...  Yes, it is all gorgeous, and exciting, but don't set yourself up for failure.  Most of the recipes do not end up looking like the pictures of the recipes. Sometimes the crafts don't turn out, either.  Just remember, that you are being creative and creating a festive atmosphere for your family, and that is where the love is.  Your family will appreciate your attempts, and love you for loving them so much to be making red, white, and blue cupcakes, and jello, and hamburgers.  It's a blessing to be the keeper of the home:)

I've also read about communities doing a decorated bicycle parade, and having prizes for those dressing up with a patriotic spirit.  This sounds so fun, that one year (some day)  I totally plan to organize a neighborhood parade for the kids.  I've been saying this for a few years, though, and July Fourth is like, tomorrow.  In fact, you may be reading this after the fourth, which is fine, because there will be a celebration next year, too, and I may have that parade thing up and organized by then.  Also, there will be Labor Day, Patriot Day, and Memorial Day coming up... you know, soon.  All of these holidays celebrate patriotism, too.  Red-white-and-blue is always in style!! Time to start planning!

Books, too, are an important part of our repertoire for any and all holidays.  We. Love. Books.  I picked up three simple picture books about July Fourth at the library yesterday.  We will read them together tonight and tomorrow. I don't have baby-babies anymore, but I still like to use picture books, because they read quickly, the pictures are fun and beautiful, and the information is still good, and correct.  Instead of trudging through a textbook teaching the story of The Declaration of Independence, you can read the same information in a story book with pictures.  I have a seriously (like diagnosed, for real, severe level) distracted adHd child.  She can't handle loads of info at once, and certainly doesn't have the attention for a long book.  Story books, with pictures, is the way to go.  My older, non-distracted child loves the art and simplicity of these books as well.  And my oldest, autistic child still appreciates read-aloud time here and there.  He says he is too old for it, but I find him usually hanging around, and looking at the pictures, and listening intently.  It's sweet.

I give thanks to God for blessing me so richly in this time and space. Too often, we take freedom for granted. We take general luxuries and celebrations for granted, too. By we, I mean the collective "we"... I know I'm included in that- I worry about meltdowns at the park, not getting shot at in the park.  Join me in prayer this weekend to remember our brothers and sisters in Christ that do have to worry about violence, and persecution. And their freedom, or more concerning, their lack thereof. Prayers, sometimes, are all we can offer.

So, whatever holiday celebration y'all are planning this weekend, please enjoy it!  And if you're reading this after the holiday, then kudos for planning ahead for next year!  I hope everyone enjoys their weekend, no matter what!  Happy Independence day!

busy marriage

June, at last! I can't believe how quickly May went by. I guess the old adage of "time flies..."

Whether it's fun, or just busy (or hopefully both), time flies. Period.

So, I was thinking about writing on the subject of marriage, again, and I was trying to come up with a good, exciting topic, but my brain is kind of, like, frozen (not the movie- just the state of being).  I've been so focused on how unintentionally busy I am, and how I can't believe I have a man-child graduating from high-school, and lacrosse playoffs, and swim season, and the list goes on, and the time flies by, and I just become kind of frozen. But, I think, marriage is part of parenting, and it's so important, and it certainly deserves time and space and priority.

My husband and I had to deal with a lot of time apart last month, and I think that is part of the reason why May was here and gone before I even had time to think about it!  He was traveling (like, out-of-the-country- travel) and the kids and I were just busy (ugh, that word again!) with the rhythm and routine of the every day.  Let me just add that this kind of travel involved no phone contact (not exaggerating), seismic activity (yes, like earthquakes), and ten time zones. Apart. So, we, the children and I, were kind of really on our own.

Well, it's easy to fall into some interesting habits without the accountability of your spouse being present, or at least a phone call away every day,  such as, kids hanging out in the bedroom, in the bed, in the bathroom (privacy?)... It's actually amazing to me how easy it is to fall into these patterns. Three weeks can be a long time, I guess.  God bless those families that have to be apart longer for deployments, extended travel, or single/unaccompanied tours of duty, and situations like that! Three weeks may seem like nothing, but it was long for us. Plus, the whole no contact thing just added to the situational stress of being apart.  So, I had kids arguing over the front seat of the car,  whose turn it was in the bed, and things like who was last downstairs, so who had to go turn off the light... Oh my goodness! I'm also pretty sure we ate out almost every day (nutrition? what?) and I skewed the budget for the next month because of that.

Needless to say, we were very, very happy to have Daddy back home after three weeks! While it was hard to be apart, and out of touch, and all that, it was actually kind of hard to get back together and back into being married, and parenting on the same page, too.  Long, long ago, when I had just two kids, and one on the way, my husband deployed to Kuwait.  It was right after 9/11, and he was a reservist who got activated to serve overseas.  The children were so young, then, and I don't remember it being so hard to adjust to him being home again. Of course, it could be that I went into labor, and we had a new human in the house right after he returned.  We were all adjusting to something new.  This time, though, with older kids, and everyone having an opinion (and expressing that opinion) getting back into a routine was not quite smooth. We had to have a few discussions about bedrooms and boundaries and what we had been doing for three weeks.  We needed to talk about the expectations now that Dad was back in the house.   

Part of the transitional bumps (this time) relate to the kids, our boundaries (or the lack thereof- I am so working on this!), and parenting, of course, but the bigger picture relates to marriage, I think.

Our marriage relationship is a barometer for our home.  We need to connect and respect that our relationship speaks volumes to our kids.  The way my husband and I relate to one another teaches our kids how to relate to one another.  Our children are watching us, and they are learning so much about behavior and choices and consequences.  When we are angry or frustrated, it almost always means the younger ones are going to be angry and frustrated.  Interestingly, though, now that I have teenagers, just because we are happy doesn't necessarily mean they are happy (are all teens moody?).   

When my husband and I take the time to make our relationship a priority, it translates to less anxiety in the home.  It also teaches our children respect- respect for our marriage, our space, and our time. It is a symbiotic (the big homeschool word for the week) relationship. This means that we are mutually beneficial to each other.  The children are learning from us, and certainly we are learning from them (patience, self control, joy… things like that). The kiddos are learning boundaries.  When things are being communicated and conveyed appropriately, the kids aren’t so stressed about what to expect.  Consistency (my personal struggle) is the key to happiness - for kids and adults.

Let me say this, too: marriage is all about service. It may not be a popular idea, but in faith, God gave us a design for marriage! It involves serving each other and having specific roles that He ordained. From the beginning, friends. I am a helper, my husband is the head, and respecting that design is actually very liberating. We need to be humble to each other, serve each other, and love each other. And forgive each other. Daily. It's really ok, I promise!

That leads me to:

... another touchpoint... which is the sharing of control.  When your spouse returns from travel or deployment, or whatever has called you apart, it is important to let them back in to the front seat!  The returning spouse needs to be afforded the respect to continue to parent and make decisions.  In our marriage, we (my husband and I) share the control-freak gene.  We are both oldest children and we both like to be in charge. Sharing of control is hard business, but it’s important to our marriage, and our family.  It has taken some time, and, yes, some arguments, and some more time, and we are still learning to share the control.  It is nice to not have everyone fighting, and control is usually the center of any argument in our home.  My oldest likes to have the illusion of control, the middle is usually in control, and the youngest desperately wants control.  For them to see either Mark or me give up the control of (insert here) type of issue, they are learning that it is ok to not always be in charge.  

So… enjoy your marriage!  I hope this may speak to someone today!  As always, let me repeat that I am not an expert- I took “Marriage and the Family” at age nineteen in college, and I should have payed better attention.  I do have some experience, though, and a lot of great role models in my life, and God, of course.  To His glory for the success of my marriage, for sure!  It is an awesome thing when we can all be together, and all be on the same page, same sheet of music, etc. and have some fun on this business of family and parenting.

spring rush

Praise to God!!!

I've gotten through another winter and an autism awareness month:)  Things are looking up!  I have warmth and sunshine and happiness returning to my body.  I posted over on Pink Owl for Fredericksburg Parent magazine.  Please check it out.  Because I've committed to another human being that I will write regularly, I think most of my posts will be over there... but I'm going to post them here, too:

I am loving this warmer weather, and all of the pretty colors!  My nose and eyes aren't enjoying it so much, but I am.  Flowers (especially pink ones) make me happy. Warm weather makes me (and my body, mind, health,and bones) happy, too!  The sun and synthesizing vitamin D is, apparently, so important (for moms and kids)! Who knew?

Thank you for the warm response regarding autism awareness! It's such an important topic, in my opinion, and not just because my son has it.  I think that everyone is going to have or know a loved one "on the spectrum", if not now, then in the very near future. What is considered "typical" may become outnumbered by what is considered autism.  So, in my opinion, the importance of why or how or what makes autism so prevalent is not what we should be focusing on. Of course, preventing it would be great, but, I think accepting people with autism, and learning how to reach and teach children with autism is so much more important.  Showcasing the gifts that come with the autism diagnosis is also important.  It is so special to think about the things that make my son special, especially on those days when things aren’t, you know, so special.

Here is another thing:   Including the parents in the making of education plans, and the planning of supporting interventions and the placing of accommodations, also, is paramount.  I have heard so many (too many) stories of parents (mostly mothers) being shut out of classrooms and learning environments for their children in the school system.  I did not have this experience, but it is frustrating to hear about because sometimes parents are the translators for their children, and anxiety surrounding language, transition, and safety is so hard to overcome (for everyone - parents and children).  I have an eighteen year old, and it's still hard (to overcome all that anxiety)!  While early intervention is so important and so, so awesome, working as a team is imperative for everyone's success. I did not always get exactly what I wanted put in place for my child, but having an open mind, and communicating with educators insured that safety was always in place, and any barriers to communication with Tommy were overcome.  Everyone desires to be understood, and the entire autism community deserves that opportunity, including parents and classroom teachers, and, of course, the child. I know that educators want to help, primarily. They aren't in it for the money, folks, so mutual respect is definitely important!

I've got to say, from my perspective, I have had a really great relationship with my son's team of people throughout his scholastic career.  He started when he was three in the school system, so it's been a long relationship with so many great people. I can't believe, in fact, that it is coming to a close!  I'm going to miss the security of Tommy riding a bus, and being escorted to classes and having someone available by phone or email all the time.  Really- even on the weekends I would get answers to emails!  There was not one teacher who didn’t want the best for Tommy.  I’m going to miss his teachers.  I'm going to miss his paraprofessionals who kept him pretty organized. I'm going to miss everything being so close and so safe. Especially the so safe part...

I guess it's just that the old adages of "time flies" and "they don't stay little for long" are really hitting home.  I can remember the baby that is now six feet tall so, so clearly, like it was yesterday (another old adage).  I wish I had another year to get things ready for transition, to help him just a little while longer.  I wish I was better prepared. I wish I could prepare him more.  The thing that is time, though, would still go by so quickly, and I will always be unprepared. Every parent is. That is the messy beauty of life, though... we need to soak up every moment- the good, the bad, the not-so-pretty, and pass on what we know to each other.  That is why I write- to count my blessings, to figure out what I'm learning, and to celebrate what's beautiful, and to try to learn from what isn't. I believe it's so important to share the autism experience, too. We need to share so much, because we are all so different.

My middle daughter and I are often commenting that reality TV at our house could be a big hit.  Just the other night I was browning beef, the smoke detector was going off, Katie was screaming and plugging her ears (spectrum, maybe? Definitely sensory issues with that little one...), Pippin was barking and Danielle just walks in like, "really? Where are the cameras?" Tommy is just flapping and growling at us all, as Danielle gets a magazine to wave under our overly sensitive smoke detector.  I can't cook well, I'll admit that, but I promise nothing was burning! It was only about three minutes of mayhem, but the fall-out lasted all evening with ears hurting, and nerves unraveling. Maybe that doesn't seem so funny, but laughing instead of crying just feels good sometimes.

And... so does the sun- it feels good - and studies show it can better your mood! The pink flowers are also quite lovely this time of year. So, get out and enjoy! There is time in every season to rush around, but it takes a strong person to be still and enjoy the beauty in every moment during the rush that is spring.

Pink Owl: beginnings

this post is from my other blog, which is written for a parenting magazine:)  so I want to add a few God-things here:)  I absolutely could not parent without the power of Christ in me.  I absolutely could not have a calm spirit without my faith and trust in Jesus.  I repeat to myself daily that God has a plan, He knows what He is doing, and He loves my family- all of us- more than I do!



Pink Owl: beginnings: We, like a lot of people around this area, are on Spring Break this week! Yea! Party time- excellent- all those feelings. Even though ...

hi! just a little news... I have a new little blog: you can check it out here.

enjoy!

Why it is cold:) and warm at the same time❤️

It's snowing!

Diva - even in snow gear -

I love it when I catch them playing together...

Happiness

Cold, cold, cold

I am getting old.  I am sure of this, now, because when I go outside, lately, I feel it. 

In. My. Bones.

It is so, so cold in Virginia! I don't remember it becoming- and staying- so cold here!

The snow is gorgeous, though, and I'm glad we got a few days of really good sledding in. I don't remember feeling so cold when I was a kid, and my youngest certainly doesn't feel it now.  It's funny, isn't it, how things change as a grown up?  I don't think it's a bad change at all, it's just that it's different to enjoy the season (the cold season) from the inside instead of the outside - dry - instead of wet, warm, instead of cold... You get the idea, right?

I like sleeping in, too, by the way, so the snow days were nice in that I didn't have to get up at 6:30 for the high schooler.  I like routine, though, also.  So, by Friday I was done with snow days and ready to get everyone back on track.  So, this week, when it snowed again, we "ignored" the snow day... meaning the girls and I slept in with the high schooler, but then still did our homeschool work (distracting, but not impossible). 

So... I feel like we are a bit in hibernation mode- but that is just the season we are in.  At least I am- because I'm cold:)